Monday, May 14, 2012

May's Moments.

In my last post,
I had mentioned that I wasn't really in project mode lately.
For those of you who have followed me for awhile,
or actually really know me in real life,
this should seem strange to you and somewhat abnormal.
I'm always going.
I'm always moving.
I'm always up to SOMETHING.

As I sit here today,
with all three tiny people resting,
I'm still, as well.
Not napping
(though I had MAYBE two hours of sleep last night...
 because I did get a little creative blood running through me for a tad bit
and needed to create these immediately:

Leather and headbands... more on these soon, I hope.),
but just being still,
processing a number of thoughts running through my head.

For the last several years,
May comes in,
and I am brought to a place of humility and awe
of just what the Creator is able to do
in a moment.

May 16th, 2004
my father-in-law, mother-in-law, and two youngest brother's-in-law
were in a fatal car accident.
My mother-in-law and youngest brother-in-law (12)
were killed,
and my other brother-in-law (16) was left disabled.
I remember the details of this day and the weeks following
as if they happened last month.
I'll write them down at some point,
but not now,
maybe not even this year.

May 17th, 2006
my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage.
I've spoken of my two pregnancies that ended before,
It's been six years,
I remember every detail.

So, every year around Mother's Day...
I just rest in a very bittersweet place.

Each year brings the same longing
of just wanting to revel in the way my babies look;
the way my husband holds them;
their laughter;
their warmth.

I remember her.
Sometimes I physically ache to have her here.
She would have loved this season of life so much.

Each year leaves me in more awe
and more humbled than the year before,
so that's where I rest.

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