Whirlwinds and Stretching.

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind.
The Red Barn Outdoor Market grew by almost three times what it was last Spring and it took so much more to organize and keep things rolling smoothly. It happened though; it was muddy and cold, but it did happen and we did have a blast!

Seeing the pictures reminds me how much I love this opportunity. I just love it SO much and am so thankful for it.

Once the market stuff ended, we began focusing attention to getting our house listed on the market. We're STILL working on that. We're hoping to find a space that accommodates all of our needs... one of those needs being space for another family member! We'll be welcoming another little baby to our lives mid-November. 

This pregnancy has definitely made itself a priority in my daily life most days as I have been extremely nauseous and exhausted. I finally started feeling less exhausted and haven't been too nauseous at all since about last Thursday. I do still have three other children, though, and they also make themselves a priority in my daily life. The last few weeks have just been trying and exhausting all around.

And today it all came forth. Everything that I've been pushing off, holding back, just trying to survive the days, all came to a sobbing mess today. I am not one that cries too often, especially not when overwhelmed... until it just gets to that point when I am REALLY overwhelmed. I was sobbing and telling the girls over and over that I just could not handle it anymore... and my five year laughed at me. Hmm... wonder where she picked that up from? Mother, I do not regret ever laughing at you when you were crying over some of the silly things you cried over, however, I was in your shoes today. So know that payback is taking place. I honestly think that she just had no idea what to do, so she laughed. It's okay, it gave me an opportunity to question what on earth was going on.

I had no answer, but I knew that SOMETHING had to be going on besides just being exhausted and sick and tired of the daily motherly opportunities I've been given.

And then I lost it again tonight. My heart was just heavy... and then I realized that it's heavy from the grief that this week bears.

May 16th, tomorrow, will be the 9th anniversary of my Mother-in-law's and youngest brother-in-law's deaths. The day, the moments, the phone calls are still very clear in my mind. May 16th, 2004 changed the direction of our lives in so many, many ways... 

May 17th, 2006 brought more heartache as I experienced the physical and emotional loss of our first baby through miscarriage. It never gets to me until this week... every year.

And my heart gets heavy. I don't get it. I am thankful for it... as it's always a perfect reminder of the sovereign grace that is so generously given out when most needed. And it makes me feel something that is not a normal part of my everyday life. And it makes me long for Home, in different ways than exhaustion and toddlers throwing tantrums make me long for Home. 

There's just a lot of "stretching" taking place around these parts tonight and my whole being feels it.

Adding to the stretching, two of Jacob's brothers are moving away in the next week or so; one is taking his pregnant wife with him as well! I struggle to write the words that would give some sort of explanation as to how my heart feels about this. It makes me so sad. Life certainly doesn't afford me the time that I used to be able to spend with them, so the times that I do have with them are really meaningful to me, even when it's just dinner or them just stopping by. I feel like the little widow we visit down the street just longing for a little more time each time. Being married to their older brother and not having my mother-in-law around these last several years has given me such incredible opportunities to love them in a lot of different ways and I do love them so much.

So, we'll see what the rest of this night holds in store... certainly not finishing off the bag of Black Forest Caramels I have... actually it may in fact be those little caramels time to shine. Though a glass of pineapple juice also sounds really delicious... we'll see who shines brighter.

LOVE is: Tiny Ketchup Bottles

Yes, I know... I'm a day late. But this last photo makes me smile so much and I wanted it to be a part of this.

They're from my youngest brother-in-law. I've known him since he was around 13... he'll be turning 25 here in a few months; most times when I think of him, I think of him as being anywhere between the ages of 13-16. I probably always will.

He recently went skiing out in CO and brought these home with him (I'm assuming he had them in one of his meals) because they looked like something I would like.

That's the part that makes me smile.

She's HERE!

I mentioned in my last post that a new little lady would be making her way into this world very soon and she was here the next morning!! She's the tiniest little person that I've ever seen or held and she is perfection. I would never put her down if that was an option. She's wonderful in every way. My sister did SO awesome (and I hear my little brother was quite awesome himself... which I love to hear) and she was feeling great and up walking around by the time we came and met our newest family member. 

Thankfully, she only lives about five minutes away, so anytime I need a fix I just show up on their doorstep... which of course, they love.

"I Made That!" Monday: The Softest Baby Bed on Earth

Potato Soup in Bread Bowls and a creamy Pudding dessert specifically requested by Mommy... and it was delicious!

Each guest decorated a onesie for the baby.

My newest little Love will be making it's debut in a month or so, and it was time to celebrate! My brother and his wife were not planning on finding out the gender of the baby until the birth, but she ended up needing to have a sonogram so the secret was tucked away in an envelope for them to open if they felt the need to do so. And there are a few of us who were a bit excited about this, and even more once it was revealed at the shower that IT's a SHE! I'd have been just as excited for a little boy baby as well, but now I know just exactly the kinds of things to be stocking up on for Baby.

For one of the shower gifts, several of us chipped in for a little basket and bedding. I had planned on making a quilt, but then I found the SOFTEST fabric on Earth and decided to go another route. My sister had told me they were decorating with a blue and brown palette, so when the softest fabric on Earth was also the perfect color it was purchased and was a complete win-win situation.

I'm very excited for this little lady to get here and to see what she adds to the mix as she will be the FOURTH female added to my brother's world... hahahaha oh, I love it so much. And him. 

{He is an INCREDIBLE dad... it makes me tear up just writing that because he seriously is just such a great dad.} She will definitely be loved so much.

On The Menu: Zucchini "Spaghetti" and Marinara

That Zucchini up there was probably close to 18 inches long!

My brother and sister have a garden this year

(actually ALL my brothers and sisters have gardens this year... and I do not!)

and grew this gigantic one along with a few others.

So, several family members received some Summer goodness,

and they still had plenty for themselves.

This little guy hung out in the produce basket in our kitchen for a week or so,

because I wanted him to serve a great purpose and be used for deliciousness.

Then one evening,

we had different scraps of this and that but nothing to really be used together for a complete meal...

and then I looked over and saw him.

And we both knew the time had come.

I had just stopped by a local farmer's market for some tomatoes

so the creative juices,

as well as the tomato's,

began flowing.

Marinara:

Chop the tomatoes into small chunks and place into a quart pot. Add a couple minced cloves of garlic, basil, and salt and pepper to taste, and bring to a boil. After boiling for several minutes, bring to a simmer and let simmer until sauce thickens. This could take anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour depending on how saucy you are. Check and stir every so often until it is at the desired consistency.

Zucchini "Spaghetti":

Turn oven on to 350 degrees.

Use a cheese grater and begin grating the Zucchini*. Once grated, place in a bowl and add a little bit of olive oil, enough to cover the top or so, add some minced garlic, basil, salt and pepper to taste, and then mix together covering all the strands of Zucchini. Place in a roasting pan, and roast for 20-30 minutes, stirring once or twice in between. The strands will soften and the mixture will shrink considerably, and it will be perfect and taste wonderful. Once the strands are softened, remove from the oven and serve with the Marinara and Parmesan.

One of my other sisters recently made a meal similar to this (when my eyes looked over at that Zucchini, and my mind remembered how delicious her meal was, I immediately had to have it, so I used what was on hand to best re-create it!), however she just used sliced Zucchini. I chose to shred this to make my children (and my husband) think of it more like Spaghetti. It didn't work. I very much enjoyed it, though. It was a very light, fresh, Summery meal.

*TIP: When I do this again, I will peel most of the outer skin from the Zucchini. The pieces that were mostly the skin, became a bit too brittle and crunchy in the roasting process.

What are your favorite ways to use a giant Zucchini?

How We Spent Our Weekend...

Gratitudes: Day 17

Today, I am thankful for dads.

My dad made my childhood magical;

poured wisdom and truth into me as a teenager;

does everything he can to drive me crazy as an adult...

my heart just about busts when I think about how much I love this man.

My father-in-law has the most genuine heart of anyone I've ever known;

his corny jokes crack me up;

my husband is growing up to be A LOT like him...

and I love that.

My step-dad loves my mom in a way that no other does...

and that makes my heart happy on so many levels.

His eagerness to live life with us just makes me smile.

My brothers and my brother-in-law...

my heart skips when I see them with the little loves of their lives.

They're naturals.

And my husband...

the way he tenderly loves our daughters makes me melt;

the connection he has with our baby boy leaves me in awe;

I knew he would be an amazing dad,

but seeing that potential turn to reality is mind-blowing.

He is so incredible and

I'm so thankful to be the one by his side through this season of life.

{Babes} Baby B is SIX Months Old!

This little lady is movin' too fast for me!

She laughs now;

she rolls around;

she wears her hair in pigtails.

She is too much!

I can't wait until she starts talking and 

can tell me all kinds of secrets about my brother. 

{hehehe}

Gratitudes: Day 4

I am so very thankful for 

little nine-year old nieces who 

love helping in any way they can;

local parks with water fountains made to play in;

seven o' clock naps.

Ooh, one more...

brothers who love my kids and make them laugh hysterically.

Giving thanks is fun;

try it!!

My Bebe!

Okay, so she's not MY baby, per se...

details, details...

Anyway, I can't believe that I never posted

the little family's FIRST family photos.

And this was a few month's back,

so she's basically grown up now!

Being a cardigan girl myself,

I just LOVE her in her little cardigan!

Ah!

And of course, I have to throw this one in:

I love babies.

I love boys holding babies.

I REALLY love little brothers snuggling their OWN little baby.

Good grief, this is cute!

And we're still going...

First, pardon my design frenzy.

I think I may have a winner with this set-up...

but we'll see.

December has been 

SO FULL

of energy around here.

Before the month even hit,

this little lady arrived:

She's wonderful in every way possible.

And she's getting used to life on the outside.

Her and I have already had some great conversations;

and I can only hope that she continues

to come and talk to Aunt Nicole whenever possible!

And these two got hitched:

So, I now have a new sister out of the deal!

And the day itself was so lovely and perfect.

Of course, I love LOVE and weddings

so spending a day celebrating LOVE through a wedding

is obviously a perfect day for me.

There's also been a birthday;

four Christmas festivities celebrated, one to go;

and a lovey-dovey anniversary is happening this week.

All this, plus getting to see 

out-of-town family and friends

has made this month fly by.

It is truly the most wonderful time

of the year for us.

I love every minute of it.

What are your plans for the New Year??

I'm getting routines and schedules worked out;

menus made;

goals set...

I'm getting there, at least.

Have a beautiful day!

Give thanks

Sometimes there are moments

when I forget that this is not my home.

And sometimes I forget that

my Maker 

had even THOSE moments written for me...

with purpose.

So, today,

I'm thankful for hope;

for overwhelming joy;

for opportunities to actively exercise 

LOVE;

for undeserved grace;

for humility...

ah, yes, even humility.

I'm thankful for the new little 

purposed life that made her entrance 

into this incredible world

with a full head of jet black

Betty Boop hair;

for brothers who make me laugh;

for sisters who literally stop what 

they are doing and come rescue me;

for parents who taught me how to 

encourage others

by encouraging me...

always;

for getting the opportunity to 

not only know my grandparents,

but to actually live life with them;

for friends to love and be loved by:

and for big blue eyes

that make me melt.

Give thanks, friends.

Whirlwind of Perfection

This last weekend was possibly a little much... 

but I loved every moment of it.

Friday night began this weekend whirlwind with a maternity photo session 

with my youngest brother and my sister-in-law.

Perfection almost doesn't even come close to describing the evening.

We went to a local wildlife preserve right as the sun was setting;

little brother and sis looked like they had walked straight out of a Gap window,

and we had one of Grandma's patchwork quilts...
yeah... I know... perfection.

Every single photo I took that night is a favorite,

but I did manage to choose some that captured the best of the evening.

Went home that evening and got in a little time with the husband,
who had all the kids in bed... asleep.
Oh, yes! Perfection, indeed.

The next morning, I woke up bright and early giddy with anticipation of THE BARN SALE.
As I had mentioned, I did not know what to expect.
When we (a friend of mine and one of the sisters... oh yeah, and my little guy!) finally arrived
(it was about a thirty minute drive...
okay, okay an hour for us because we were talking so much we missed the exit!),
it looked amazing.
The first booth we saw was filled with quilts;
the next was Antique Wonderfulness overload;
jewelry, handmade crafts, soaps, woodwork,
and food baked by the members of the local Mennonite Church...
uh, yeah, you know where I'm going with this...
PERFECTION!!

And the barn... oh, the beautiful old barn!

Here are a few pics of it since a few of you were interested.
Also, they'll be doing this again in the Spring, so if you're local look them up on the ol' FB and 'like' them for updates.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hesston-KS-Barn-Sale/143612805676778

Uh, yeah, and see that awesome cart looking thing that those baskets and lamps are on??
My friend snagged it for the steal of the century.

Afterwards, we headed to another little town for lunch where I had the most amazing
MACARONI AND CHEESE
I've ever had in my life!
And once I settled down from that,
we headed to a little Antique shop that blew my mind.
It was filled with so many wonderful treasures I had to stop a few times to catch my breath.

Here are a few of the treasures I ended up with from the day's hunt:

An old vintage suitcase (which was a steal!), an old crate, a cast iron set of utensils, and my friend ended up getting me the "S" (which I loved, but just couldn't make the decision to shell out the $3!).

Came home to my Loves and enjoyed fellowship that evening with our church family...

perfection.

The next day brought more photo sessions and my faves from those will be making their way here later in the week! Stay tuned.

Raises

My little brother (he's 26... hahaha, but will always be my little baby brother!) was over last night along with a few other gentlemen (visiting my husband... I don't often have, actually never have, gentlemen visiting me!) and we were talking non-chalantly talking about getting raises at their places of employment, and I chimed in that I hadn't received a raise for awhile. My brother looked at me and then looked over at my latest little bundle and replied, "You just got a raise. Think of all the new joy you get everyday." (Timeout for a sec while I bawl my eyes out...)

Before I had kids, I was in the financial world for eight years beginning when I was nineteen, working my way up. I received a performance review each year and was then given a raise each year.  That's how the corporate world usually works. And I loooooooved my job. I worked on the customer service side of things and loved building new relationships through that; loved seeing the same customers each day and getting to know their stories. I loved it.  But that was not my calling and I knew it. Everything in me wanted to be at home growing a family, investing in THOSE little souls each day.

2006 was the last year that I was working, and I was managing my own small branch. That year also brought my first two pregnancies, both of which ended in miscarriage. The emotional/ mental pain that penetrates you when that little soul leaves your body is mind-shattering.  However, with pain comes growth, and with suffering comes hope, two things I've now learned to run towards rather than away from.

At the end of that year, I left and stayed home for awhile and then began working for a non-profit organization and then soon found out I was pregnant again. I stayed until my third trimester and then left to be at home hoping to get a bit prepared for the life changes that come when having a baby.  Once she was here, I realized that nothing really prepared me. She was amazing in every way and completely overwhelming. The growth and hope that sprang forth from that new relationship must have looked pretty good on my "performance review" that year, because 18 months later I received my first "raise", another incredible little soul embodied in a very chubby, sparkling blue-eyed girl. And life again was amazing and overwhelming bringing more growth and springing new hope each day.

And now 22 months later, another "raise"... another little soul embodied in a round little belly and spiky hair and bearing a striking resemblance to his very handsome blue-eyed father. And again, life is overwhelmingly amazing and amazingly overwhelming at times, but it's exactly what I've always wanted... and really, what I need. I thank the One who gives generously and takes away knowingly for each of the "raises" that He's given me and not given me for each one calls me to know Him, love Him, and seek Him each passing moment.