Whirlwinds and Stretching.

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind.
The Red Barn Outdoor Market grew by almost three times what it was last Spring and it took so much more to organize and keep things rolling smoothly. It happened though; it was muddy and cold, but it did happen and we did have a blast!

Seeing the pictures reminds me how much I love this opportunity. I just love it SO much and am so thankful for it.

Once the market stuff ended, we began focusing attention to getting our house listed on the market. We're STILL working on that. We're hoping to find a space that accommodates all of our needs... one of those needs being space for another family member! We'll be welcoming another little baby to our lives mid-November. 

This pregnancy has definitely made itself a priority in my daily life most days as I have been extremely nauseous and exhausted. I finally started feeling less exhausted and haven't been too nauseous at all since about last Thursday. I do still have three other children, though, and they also make themselves a priority in my daily life. The last few weeks have just been trying and exhausting all around.

And today it all came forth. Everything that I've been pushing off, holding back, just trying to survive the days, all came to a sobbing mess today. I am not one that cries too often, especially not when overwhelmed... until it just gets to that point when I am REALLY overwhelmed. I was sobbing and telling the girls over and over that I just could not handle it anymore... and my five year laughed at me. Hmm... wonder where she picked that up from? Mother, I do not regret ever laughing at you when you were crying over some of the silly things you cried over, however, I was in your shoes today. So know that payback is taking place. I honestly think that she just had no idea what to do, so she laughed. It's okay, it gave me an opportunity to question what on earth was going on.

I had no answer, but I knew that SOMETHING had to be going on besides just being exhausted and sick and tired of the daily motherly opportunities I've been given.

And then I lost it again tonight. My heart was just heavy... and then I realized that it's heavy from the grief that this week bears.

May 16th, tomorrow, will be the 9th anniversary of my Mother-in-law's and youngest brother-in-law's deaths. The day, the moments, the phone calls are still very clear in my mind. May 16th, 2004 changed the direction of our lives in so many, many ways... 

May 17th, 2006 brought more heartache as I experienced the physical and emotional loss of our first baby through miscarriage. It never gets to me until this week... every year.

And my heart gets heavy. I don't get it. I am thankful for it... as it's always a perfect reminder of the sovereign grace that is so generously given out when most needed. And it makes me feel something that is not a normal part of my everyday life. And it makes me long for Home, in different ways than exhaustion and toddlers throwing tantrums make me long for Home. 

There's just a lot of "stretching" taking place around these parts tonight and my whole being feels it.

Adding to the stretching, two of Jacob's brothers are moving away in the next week or so; one is taking his pregnant wife with him as well! I struggle to write the words that would give some sort of explanation as to how my heart feels about this. It makes me so sad. Life certainly doesn't afford me the time that I used to be able to spend with them, so the times that I do have with them are really meaningful to me, even when it's just dinner or them just stopping by. I feel like the little widow we visit down the street just longing for a little more time each time. Being married to their older brother and not having my mother-in-law around these last several years has given me such incredible opportunities to love them in a lot of different ways and I do love them so much.

So, we'll see what the rest of this night holds in store... certainly not finishing off the bag of Black Forest Caramels I have... actually it may in fact be those little caramels time to shine. Though a glass of pineapple juice also sounds really delicious... we'll see who shines brighter.

My Second Inclination.

Registration has opened for The Red Barn Outdoor Market. In six days, there have been 27 brand new Vendors who have registered. It's been pretty amazing.

I've always thought to myself that as long as I find the process of planning, preparing for, and executing  this thing enjoyable, and along with my family's desire to support me through it, we'll keep it up. I'm excited to see where it goes and what God does with it.

Because of the blessing of growth, I'm also reaping the other wonderful "blessing" of dealing with numerous citizens of the Public. The Public can be extremely kind and encouraging. The Public can be super helpful in suggesting really great ideas that benefit everyone.

There are some who are citizens of the Public who happen to think the Earth is actually physically revolving around them, meaning that then obviously the Market does as well. And my first inclination is to immediately think of the blog post that I'm going to slander them in.

The enemy and the wickedness that brews in my heart, allow me to create a great story full of wit that will make people literally chuckle out loud (I use chuckle instead of laugh as I don't want to give myself TOO much credit...) but also include how I took the high road in my response to this specific citizen (making people whisper to themselves, "She is so amazing.").

But then all of a sudden I feel something. It's something bigger than my enemy and it covers the pungent stench of my wickedness... even though I don't want it to.

I ignore it and continue on because obviously I was given this opportunity to point out someone else's shortcomings so that others will learn from it.

Ugh... I feel it more. And then somehow the thoughts that I was having about this OTHER person thinking the world revolves around them, suddenly turn on me! Suddenly those chuckles and whispers are completely gone and a strange, very strange feeling creeps in and all of a sudden I think of the nicest, most kind way that I can word something in response to what I would consider an outrage (okay, outrage may be taking it a little far) to make this person feel heard and understood.

Ugh! Bleh! Blaaah! What is going on here?!?!?! This isn't going to make a good blog post AT ALL.

I'm learning that my Trainer loves to create the most intensive and extensive exercises for my being so that one day I reflect Perfection. He gives me hurdles to jump in the form of making time for relationships; He gives me a mind puzzle book to read while simultaneously having me climb steps in the form of this mysterious thing He called marriage; and LOTS and LOTS of the most mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually DRAINING but at the same time insanely AWESOME cardio through three of the most unbelievable creations on this Earth, aka The Littles. So, a little contact with the Public should really be a piece of cake... and I'm not usually one to pass up on cake!

"For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities- all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard..." Colossians 1:16, 17, 21-23

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Do some good on this lovely day.

The 2012 HANDMADE SWAP

More About This Little Thing Called Love...

First off, I would just like to announce that I am ready to have a camera once more... not the camera on my phone, but a camera... a real life camera. Perhaps the Insurance Adjustor reads this blog and will consider this as she works away on my list of things that were stolen. Yes, perhaps, she does...

Secondly, The Red Barn Outdoor Market Fall Edition was more wonderful than I can even write about. You can see photos here. The Vendors, the Musicians, and the food were so amazing and the part that I love most is getting to see the community built between people. It makes me happy in so many ways.

But, neither of these are actually the subjects of this post... no, because of the first (no camera), I'm having to actually write and share and be human. I prefer to post pictures, be a little standoff-ish and be more of a computer robot... just warming up before I get really honest.

I've been patient and kind... I have of course, been humble and refined in every word and deed... okay, so there are still a few kinks here and there... I'm moving on even so.

"It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;"

Well, this one just really stinks. I actually always prefer my own way; the grace and mercy that must be showered upon me to put this one into practice is unbelievable. I like doing things my own way. I want others to like doing things my way. And even if I do end up doing something someone else's way, I am surely not going to be happy about it. So, this one's going to be hard...

Why do I insist on my way? Because it puts me in control. I like being in control. Having to let loose of control means that I have to place trust in someone or something else. Oooh, and there it is... I have to trust. I have to place dependence on something other than myself. Ouch, that actually physically stung just a little bit  because I have some major trust issues. MAJOR, people. 

I obviously know that trust and love go hand in hand... like in a marriage... but I've never really placed the two together in other relationships. Like by trusting someone, by placing my dependence on them, is actually loving them... and allowing them to love me. And that's big.

Wow... well, I don't know how I ended up here and I'm not really sure that this will even make sense to anyone else on earth, but it has me thinking.

Also, as I was writing this, I found one of my favorite necklaces that I thought had been stolen. It was hiding in a jar on my desk... thank you to the Little Love who probably had something to do with this!!!!

Have a lovely, wonderful weekend! Mine will be filled with local Fall Markets, Potato Soup and the theatre!!

Saturday Snapshots

Goodness! These make me smile... over and over again. Have a magnificent weekend!

A Market and some CUTENESS!

Preparing for The Red Barn Outdoor Market is in full swing! This means a few things for me... my mind has just a few more things than usual swimming around in it... uh, like the 56 Vendors that are participating this season!!! I'm so incredibly excited, humbled, and feel so blessed by work of my Creator's Hands. Through this opportunity, I'm learning so much about people, business, myself, and just life in general. It's incredible.

And then there are the people who are always on my mind...

That little superhero is turning three next week. Un...be...lievable. Goodness, they are cute... and full of life! I've been enjoying them so much this week. They're all at growing points in their lives that are so exciting and {mostly} enjoyable. Just being able to see them interacting with one another is one of the most enjoyable and entertaining parts of my day.

So, the Creative in me is working together with the Business Woman in me to get some things done in these next few weeks to provide people with an incredible experience! The Mom/Wife/Teacher/Playmate/Sister/Daughter/Friend in me... is trying to keep up!

And I love it.